3 Exercises to Breakthrough an Identity Crisis
Do you have suspicion that you are like an iceberg in the wide blue ocean, floating freely and harmlessly most of the time through your life but at the same time, just like that iceberg can turn into a lethal obstacle, a dangerous abyss for a bypassing ship, you can stand in your own way ruining your chances to be happy. Imagine the bypassing ship is your goal, your desire to achieve something. What you see as a captain of that ship is a still blue ocean, friendly enough. You know your course. You see the lighthouse from afar signaling you where to go.
All seems good and easy and under control. And then BANG! Titanic happens. This is all because of the hidden, unseen, unaccounted for object in the depth of the now, not-so- friendly, blue waters.
Doesn’t it make sense to study the waters and, most of all, the shape of the iceberg ahead? Would it be arrogant to presume one can start the journey without taking account of what can be standing or floating their way, what can potentially destroy all the good intentions? Titanic was a great big ship. I mean, really big, really equipped. Yet, the hidden side of what seems to be a small obstacle, sank it in no time. I hate to be so dramatic about you and what you don’t know about yourself, but honestly, I have no choice.
Most people, even the mature seasoned individuals who spent many years studying the human psyche have something they just cannot grasp about themselves. The more you look into yourself the more you discover and the more you realize you will never understand. And this is OK. You don’t need to understand everything. You only need to understand how you get or don’t get what you want.
A lot of it comes down to understanding how your mind and your emotions affect your behavior and how the core beliefs about yourself and the world around you can limit or inspire you to take actions that guarantee your success. Before you know what you are and how you work you won’t be able to correct your course, navigate those blue waters, and get your ship safely to the beautiful shore in record time enjoying every leg of your trip.
In order to know yourself better you need to do one important thing; you need to adopt a non-judgmental attitude towards yourself. Sounds easy, especially if you consider yourself emotionally stable, healthy and an objective person. Of course you can see things the way they are. Of course you can objectively take notice of your thoughts and feelings, recognize your behavioral patterns and articulate the vision of your world, the reality you live in. Or maybe not.
What I noticed, most of us have opinions about what is going on, is it good or bad? With those opinions comes the inner censor. Some people have tendencies to ignore anything they can’t accept and others have a need to justify every little thing about them, feeling like somebody out there is about to get them. They are trying to play down their successes and fit in, in what unfortunately is not a great place to be, the average. Most people do both, ignore what they can’t accept and avoid taking credit for all the good stuff. I am talking from experience. So I know there is a lot to do in revealing and acknowledging the truth about who you really are. That process alone brings an enormous satisfaction to most of my clients. It’s kind of therapeutic to validate your life, to see yourself from aside, to give yourself the most needed attention and recognition.
I want to give you three exercises to put you at ease and help you look forward to knowing yourself instead of dreading it or even fearing the process for some, most likely, irrational reasons. To do those exercises you would need a notebook and a pen, that’s all. Writing down your answers makes this whole work meaningful and much more effective.
Take It Easy Exercise
Wherever you are, stop what you’re doing and look around you, behind you, above you.
What do you see? What do you hear? How do you feel?
Write in your journal how you feel about what you see, hear and feel. Focus on yourself in connection with your environment and the people around you at the present moment.
Make sure to let go of judgement. Your job is simply to acknowledge what you live. It’s probably not that bad. And you have attracted it. If anything, you can congratulate yourself for making it so far. Most people reaching midlife have something to show for it. Don’t be shy, notice!
The Thought Accountant
Take account of the most frequent thoughts you are thinking when you go to bed. What do you dwell on? What keeps you awake at night? Journal about it in a form of a bullet point list or write freestyle. Don’t judge any of your thoughts or yourself for thinking them. It is about knowing what really worries you, not making you feel bad or worse. Later on in this book I will show you how to think the thoughts that are good for you deliberately. It is totally doable. But for now, just validate yourself and what you are going through.
Dreamcatcher Exercise
When you talk to other people, your partner, your parents, your extended family, your real friends, your Facebook friends, your colleagues at work, your boss, your team, what do you say you want out of life? How do you express what you want daily? To make this easier, remember the last occasion when you asked for something. How did you feel? What was the response? Did you get what you want? Describe the occasion in your journal.
Don’t be shocked if you couldn’t remember the last time you asked for anything and got it unconditionally. You, most likely, sacrificed your own desires to something or somebody else. I get it. You might be a chronic people pleaser and it’s ok for now. You have been doing it for a reason.
There is so much more to seeing yourself clearly and understanding the depth of your beautiful personality and soul. I am saying beautiful because I know that is how you are going to feel at the end of their self discovery journey. Everybody does. I am asking you to trust me on that. You are beautiful and that is what you are going to find going deeper and deeper with the Know Yourself process.
If you can’t wait to experience more of the self discovery tools, don’t hesitate to set your Discovery session with me on www.shesgotapassion.com today. It’s free and it is immensely inspiring. I added this invitation in this article because many people I speak with about this part of the program want to jump in and don’t care to prolong living in ignorance or avoidance of what could potentially help them solve their issues and make them internally at peace and happy.
Here is an example of how one of my wonderful clients managed to manifest most profound changes in her life through examining her hidden desires and putting her energy into getting what she really wants instead of going for the generic happiness attributes. Of course, I changed the names and personal details of my clients in this article. However, I hope you can grasp the nature of my work and how you may benefit from the Practical Creativity tools I offer, if you are going through a similar issue from these little insights I share.
Claire’s Story
Claire came to me because she wanted clarity with her life’s purpose. She had a somewhat successful career, but felt she wanted more out of life. She thought going back to school and getting another degree so she could change her job was the answer. She wanted a plan on whether studying a new profession will bring her happiness and purpose in her life. She was about to invest a big chunk of money she didn’t have to feel like she is living a meaningful life.
We started our work with looking very closely at what Claire really wants, what is bothering her and what really can create a sense of purpose in her life. On the first session Claire realized that presuming the new job or studying more will automatically do it might have been another mental trap. Claire had changed jobs and careers before. It didn’t work.
Everybody creates their own sense of purpose and it is different for everybody. Claire had to take responsibility for creating her own purpose rather than searching for it outside of her. Through some specific exercises and routines Claire started bringing purpose to absolutely everything she does on an everyday basis. Not only did she begin feeling better, fulfilled and purposeful within herself, but her team and her boss had noticed how dedicated and involved she became at her work; how passionate she was in everything she was doing; how attentive and helpful she was with every person she met. They complimented her for the amazing positive changes she had done. Very soon, within some weeks of our work together, Claire had a promotion which enabled her to pay off most of her debts for the various schools and trainings she had taken in her past. And most of all, Claire reported to be a happy and fulfilled person no matter what she does.
She understood how to bring purpose into everything in her personal as well as professional life. She wouldn’t have ever known what would make her fulfilled if she didn’t spend time and effort examining who she is and how her mind and feelings work. Taking responsibility for her life put her in charge of her life’s purpose.
Lira Kay an author, life coach and a founder of She's Got Passion and the School of Inspired Life a training center for purpose-driven professionals to find information and inspiration to stay on their mission to create a meaningful change in the world. Every Wednesday Lira answers one question she 's been asked by a member of her audience around the globe. If you have a question, please, go to CONTACT and send Lira your question. She will create a post to answer it or will send you a personal answer in the email. Know, that your question will help many others to find clarity and motivation. We are all connected and your input is important. Thank you.
